The Adoption is Final!!

My oldest daughter; Angelique is not able to have children. But even as a little girl she always wanted to be a Mom. So in January 2007 her and her husband took into their home to wonderful little boys. At the time they were stationed in Germany and the boys are from Oklahoma. Before the adoption could become final she got orders to Illinois. So then they had to meet standards for both states. During all that time we could not display their pictures on any of our web sites. That's tough on a Nana. But as of today they are legally my grandsons . So now I can post all of my grandchildren pictures.

It's a happy day in this family.

10 Day Countdown

I have my counter set to countdown til May26. It will be a day of a wide range of emotions for me. On that day my oldest daughter must report for duty in Kuwait. She will be there until late November;leaving a husband and 2 sons back home in Illinois. The adoption of the 3 boys will be final Monday 05/18/2009. My heart breaks for her having to leave them. And of course I am afraid for her,but I am also very proud of her. She went in to the USAF 10 days after graduating from high school in 1992 and this is her first really dangerous assignment. She has made her mother very proud.

On the same day in the early evening my baby will graduate from high school. She will be leaving for college in August. She has also made her mother proud. She is in the top 15% of her class,has been active in school clubs,church,and held a job since late 10th grade.

I am also very proud of our 5 other kids and if I listed their accomplishments I would be here half the night. But these 2 are the bookends of my "career as a mother" . I start a new phase in my life I will always be a mother and be there if they need me;but after 35 years I don't have to be as serious or as responsible. The thought is exhilarating and scary at the same time.

So I guess I need a whole box of kleenex for May 26th.

Facing Motality

I have not blogged in almost a month. It seems like I have come face to face with my mortality and I am trying to deal with it. My Mom's health has started to decline it is hard to witness plus I share some of the diseases she suffers from. She has not taken care of herself and I am not doing a good job of taking care of myself either. In late 2006;early 2007 I faced a terrible emotional upheaval I tell myself I have put it behind me, but I never was good at taking care of myself ; always taking care of others. And now I seem to have given up on myself. I have reached the highest weight of my life 210. That's bad for a 5'4" woman who has diabetes and high blood pressure.
I know I need to lose weight and to exercise but I just seem to be stuck in park.
I thought I was on the right track last year when I opened my etsy shop I was finally doing something I wanted to do and my creativity was starting to show up.
But now I don't seem able to create anything. It's like I have lost my zest for life. Everyone keeps pulling at me to do for them and I am tired I expected to be able to do things for myself at this stage of my life but instead I am stuck in park with my insides overheating.
I know this probably makes no sense I am just rambling but I am trying to get back on track and quit wasting my life. Life is short and I really do want to enjoy the remainder of mine. I don't want to be like mom depressed, bitter, and negative.
Hopefully I will figure a way to make it out of this dark place.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings hopefully the next update will be more upbeat and not so far apart.